I’ve read a number of adoption blogs, and they are mostly written by women. These moms and moms-to-be are great at articulating how frustrating the waiting process can be. I just wanted to let you know that waiting for a government’s OK is no piece of cake for us dads either. I think that we men would love a “microwave adoption” – just press a few buttons and take your child home in no time!
It’s just not that easy, unfortunately. Here are some of the dad-side frustrations…
#1 – It’s out of our control – in general, we guys feel comfortable when we can at least put on the appearance of being in charge. In the adoption wait we say “it should be one or two more weeks” or “we expect to hear by the end of summer” just to help us think that we have a real idea what’s going on. We should say “whenever they get around to sending us our paperwork, we’ll get it back”, but that’s too frustrating. The idea that we’ve sent off some stuff and now have zero control over the process is scary.
#2 – We might get rejected – I don’t know anyone who likes rejection. We know that we meet all of the criteria. We know that we’ve been interviewed and checked over by people who have done this before. In my case, we’ve done this before ourselves. Still, the idea of having someone say “OK” who also has an option to say “No” makes me uneasy. In adoption the word “no” is a perpetual fear, but it’s worse when you’re waiting.
#3 – Other people keep asking how it’s going – I want to say “we brought our little girl home yesterday”, but until I can do that, I have to keep admitting to people that we’re just waiting. I know they mean well and are supportive, but they are also subtle reminders that we really don’t know.
#4 – There is still plenty to do while we wait – There is more paperwork to do, applications to fill out, money to raise, documents to gather, and all of this while we’re waiting for a crucial piece of the puzzle. Guys like me want to have everything in place before we start a job; there’s nothing more frustrating than having to run to Home Depot to pick up one more 2×4 when you’re almost done building something. In the adoption process, we have to do a lot of work with the hope that that last piece will be there, and that’s tough for a guy to take sometimes.
There are some pluses to the waiting – my wife and I get to spend hours talking and planning (which we both enjoy), our children get plenty of time to prepare and adjust emotionally (a good idea) , and our prayer life becomes deeper (which is good too). I keep reminding myself that God’s timing is perfect, and I can’t possibly know all of the things that he is working with to make his glory shine in this process. I guess that I need to be content with that.
