Adopting Sophie Grace

I’ve read a number of adoption blogs, and they are mostly written by women.  These moms and moms-to-be are great at articulating how frustrating the waiting process can be.  I just wanted to let you know that waiting for a government’s OK is no piece of cake for us dads either.  I think that we men would love a “microwave adoption” – just press a few buttons and take your child home in no time!

It’s just not that easy, unfortunately.  Here are some of the dad-side frustrations…

#1 – It’s out of our control – in general, we guys feel comfortable when we can at least put on the appearance of being in charge.  In the adoption wait we say “it should be one or two more weeks” or “we expect to hear by the end of summer” just to help us think that we have a real idea what’s going on.  We should say “whenever they get around to sending us our paperwork, we’ll get it back”, but that’s too frustrating.  The idea that we’ve sent off some stuff and now have zero control over the process is scary.

#2 – We might get rejected – I don’t know anyone who likes rejection.  We know that we meet all of the criteria.  We know that we’ve been interviewed and checked over by people who have done this before.  In my case, we’ve done this before ourselves.  Still, the idea of having someone say “OK” who also has an option to say “No” makes me uneasy.  In adoption the word “no” is a perpetual fear, but it’s worse when you’re waiting.

#3 – Other people keep asking how it’s going – I want to say “we brought our little girl home yesterday”, but until I can do that, I have to keep admitting to people that we’re just waiting.  I know they mean well and are supportive, but they are also subtle reminders that we really don’t know.

#4 – There is still plenty to do while we wait – There is more paperwork to do, applications to fill out, money to raise, documents to gather, and all of this while we’re waiting for a crucial piece of the puzzle.  Guys like me want to have everything in place before we start a job; there’s nothing more frustrating than having to run to Home Depot to pick up one more 2×4 when you’re almost done building something.  In the adoption process, we have to do a lot of work with the hope that that last piece will be there, and that’s tough for a guy to take sometimes.

There are some pluses to the waiting – my wife and I get to spend hours talking and planning (which we both enjoy), our children get plenty of time to prepare and adjust emotionally (a good idea) , and our prayer life becomes deeper (which is good too).  I keep reminding myself that God’s timing is perfect, and I can’t possibly know all of the things that he is working with to make his glory shine in this process.  I guess that I need to be content with that.

One of the great things we’ve discovered in the process of adoption number three is all of the people who offer you a fund raising option.  We’re completing applications for a number of grant and loan programs, and we’ve had fantastic donation support so far, but we’re looking for new and creative ways to raise money as the process moves on.

Click here to see why we’re raising money this way and how much we’re raising…

Here are some of the ideas so far:

• Pampered Chef – we did this with our last adoption too, and it works.
• T-Shirts – with an adoption theme made by adoptive parents.
• Raffles – we’re working on raffling off an iPod Touch in January.
• Coffee – with a company who has worked with others that we know.

And we’re looking for new ideas too.  If you’re in the process of adopting and working to raise money, please keep checking back, because we’ll post links to all of the programs that we find (that are not scams).

Well, it’s official – it’s in the email.  Our LOI was sent to China today by our agency.

And there was much rejoicing.

It’s really great how God is working in his people throughout this process.  We have had both friends and strangers (now new friends) come alongside us in this effort with much needed support.  Some have adopted in the past or are working on their first adoption.  Others who have never adopted and don’t necessarily feel like they will.  All of them just simply feel the need to walk with us through this time.  New groups have come along as well, including a number of adoption ministries.  At least once a week, someone new shows up as a part of this walk.

That was part of our prayer going into this, that we would get more connected with people and raise awareness of adoption in general.  It’s happening because God is glorious and gracious.  He knows that we need a support network, and he is bringing people from all over to support in a hundred little ways.  This simple thing convinces me — if adoption is your dream, then pray and ask for God to send you a support network.  You’ll begin to find that while the walk can be tough and stressful, as you follow and obey him God will see you through.

It took the doctor’s office an extra day to get the last test results back, but we finally got the medicals all signed off.  Today, we sent the last of the paperwork over to Lifeline Children’s Services so that they could finish preparing the Letter of Intent to send to China.  It took a little while, but we finally got together all of the paperwork that they needed.

One nice thing about China is that they take the Letter of Intent digitally, so as soon as it’s ready the agency simply presses “send”.  Several years ago, during our first Chinese adoption, we had to mail everything which simply added to the stress.  We checked the tracking numbers online several times a day until we were sure that it was received.  Now, if something goes wrong, they simply press “send” again.  Nice.

According to what we have been told, in a few weeks we will have a pre-approval from China, which sets the clock ticking to finalize the adoption.  There’s no time to waste – we’ll be working on the home study this Christmas and doing some more fund raising.

Tonight was the first home study visit, and we got to update our case worker on what’s happened since she saw us in July.  We also learned about some of the wacky new regulations that have been put in place since the Hague convention was adopted as the standard.  In addition to all of the “normal” things that you need to put out in public view, today you need to:

• Provide a statement from your vet that your dog is well mannered and docile as well as up to date on shots (apparently dogs only and not cats).
• Provide a professional current valuation on your home, not just your mortgage balance.
• Get a letter from your bank with your account balance (not just a statement, but an actual letter).
• Provide a statement on who will care for your children if you die and then get a letter from them agreeing to that.

We really love our local social workers – they have been great to us over the years.  They’re even stumped as to why all of this paperwork is required in order that a simple document can be prepared stating what is pretty evident – that we are capable of caring for a child.

Oh well, enough complaining – the paper chase continues!

We went to the doctor’s office today for physicals and after getting weighed, measured, poked, prodded and stuck (with an eye exam thrown in for good luck) we were told that we seem to be OK.  The physicals include tests for liver and kidney function as well as an EKG, so it’s a pretty thorough physical.  Our doctor had good fun with us, since this is the third one he’s done for us.  It was more of a hassle than anything else, but it’s all part of the process, so you just have to smile through it.

Results on Friday and hopefully an LOI by Monday!

Wow, the Letter of Intent is pretty intense (no pun intended).  We spent hours putting documents together and scanning them to send them in.  Then we ended up signing a set of documents about as long as our mortgage agreeing essentially to do this adoption.

Now on to the medicals!

Ah, the wonderful Letter Of Intent.  In Chinese adoptions, we need to send this to China where it will get “pre-approved”, which is the Chinese government’s assurance that if we turn out to be who we claim to be, then the adoption will be granted.  But the L.O.I. (as they call it) is not that simple.  The actual letter itself is a short page about why we want to adopt this little girl, but the package that goes with the letter is dozens of pages of documentation from all over the world.

OK – enough complaining … because a few nights of paperwork really is not a burden at all compared to the blessing of having Sophie in her forever home.

Tonight we start filling out financial reporting forms and looking up where to request background reports from a half dozen or so states.

We’ve looked at dozens of adoption aid sites.  The ones that are currently accepting applications for aid (and do not look like a total scam) all require a completed home study.  But to get a home study, we need to spend several hundred dollars on gathering up various background checks and other government paperwork and more than a thousand dollars on the home study itself.  So before we can apply for the money that we need to get the home study done, we have to pay to get the home study done.  Talk about frustrating.

On top of that, many of these aid agencies charge a fee to apply, so before we can even be considered for the aid we desperately need, we need to have money.

So far donations are many heart-felt apologies, many prayers and $20.  We are deeply appreciative of all of the people who have responded with prayers and love, and this reminds us that God is moving the hearts of his people, and that he is already providing what we need, even if the money is not in the bank yet.  God is awesome and amazing.

^{Ephesians 3:20-21}Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.